Characters waiting to be written

Couldn’t you just imagine coming across a character in a novel called Percival Ferguson? Something English, probably between the Wars, perhaps something with a little humor. Not fanciful enough to be a Wodehouse, but could certainly be a Waugh. No doubt his days and nights chumming around at his club will be gradually and progressively more restricted by his fiancee Evthalia Palmer until his freedom disappears entirely.

Or what about Harlan Dodd? I’m thinking someone from the American south.

And do you think Goliath Bledsoe would be happier with the interloping and somewhat flaky ingenue Mair Wahl or should he make an honest woman of Jehoshaphat Barnes before she runs off with Hodel Romero? Or even more importantly, is Jehoshaphat a boy’s name or a girl’s name?

I have no idea who any of these people are, but they sure seem to think that I need help with a particular male problem. (I don’t want to say what it is lest the Spam-bots pick up on the words…) I get at least one of these a day and am always amazed at the creativity of the names. Just now I looked and there was another two, this time from Shug Harp and Felina Farnsworth.

Do they think the names will confuse me into thinking I need this particular pill? And do they think that by sending at least one a day I will eventually say, “My god, I do need that pill!” Or is the point really about clicking on the link to go to some nefarious website?

In any case, they make me giggle almost every time.

11 thoughts on “Characters waiting to be written

  1. bookssnob May 13, 2010 / 9:16 am

    Hilarious! I get these every day too. What makes me laugh is the ones I get have 'Mrs Penny Smith' on them, as if a married woman somehow confers more trustworthiness than a Miss…hmm…

    It reminds me of when I ring call centres that are based overseas, but the company doesn't want you to know you're calling overseas, so they make their clearly Indian/Chinese call centre workers who have heavily and obviously accented English take on 'British' names. Cue 'Nelly', or 'Prudence', or 'Horace' answering my phone call about my gas bill…yes, a likely name for a modern twenty something Briton!!


  2. Jessica May 13, 2010 / 9:23 am

    haha I have to admit I dont often take notice of the names on these things, I think I might now


  3. Ti May 13, 2010 / 10:07 am

    Thomas, I have to tell you. When I was a technical trainer I often had to develop dummy databases to use in class. I would make up names, which in my head seemed like normal names but the participants always thought they sounded a little soap-opera-ish. What? You mean, Roger Dalton doesn't sound real to you?

    I bet these spammers have a hard time too.


  4. Hannah Stoneham May 13, 2010 / 10:38 am

    This is wonderful and I am feeling quite hard done by because all of mine seem to come from “Mandy” and “Bianca” etc….


  5. Steerforth May 13, 2010 / 12:41 pm

    I love Gwynfor Hong – a nice blend of Welsh and Chinese.

    I'm relieved to discover that other people get these emails too.


  6. Kathleen May 13, 2010 / 2:09 pm

    This is brilliant. I am going to have to start paying attention the names that land in my spam box!


  7. StuckInABook May 16, 2010 / 4:48 am

    Hahaha! I love Felina Farnsworth, that's brilliant.

    I think my favourite was one my brother got, saying something like “Mr. Ferausi has recently died. We have got in touch with you since you share his surname…” Hmm…


  8. Thomas at My Porch May 16, 2010 / 5:19 pm

    Book Snob: There do seem to be a lot of married ones.

    Jessica: I never really had in the past either, but they just started to get so eye-cathcing.

    Ti: If you had to develop a dummy dbase today, you could just use spammer names. Just think how much easier your job would be.

    Hannah: I get the Bianca's in my regular email, but my email for this blog seems to only get these kind. maybe because I never used this address to buy things or get on mailing lists.

    Steerforth: That is hilarious. I knew Gywnfor sounded familiar, I just didn't make the Welsh connection.

    Kathleen: It will become addictive.

    Desparate Reader: Oh, you will, you will.

    Simon: Felina does sound glamorous doesn't she?


  9. whisperinggums May 18, 2010 / 7:42 pm

    Oh good one … And nice blog, by the way. I like the sort of books you read. I shall be popping back.


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