Back in August 2020, during the depths of Covid lockdown, I decided to plaster my office wall with postcards I had collected since the late 1980s. I called it my Wall of Humanity, reminding me of all the glorious things out in the world that I would hopefully see again one day.
Now that I have sold my house and am moving to Minneapolis (hmm, I guess I haven’t mentioned that in this forum have I? More on that in the coming weeks.) it was time to dismantle the Wall of Humanity. As I started to do that today I was a little overcome with emotion. Not only did many of these cards remind me of so many wonderful experiences with John (on what would have been his 61st birthday) but they also reminded me of the wonderful time John and I had during lockdown.
Normally John traveled for work about fifty percent of the time and Covid lockdown was almost two years of uninterrupted time together. And it was amazing. We were lucky enough to have our jobs, our house, our dog. It was like two years of snow days. Yes, we worked during the day, and both were quite busy at that. But there were lunches on the porch with Lucy, watching purple finches build a nest nearby. Instead of leaving the office at 7:00 or being out of town, John would emerge from his basement office closer to five and the evening would begin. And we loved it. We were convinced from the experience that retirement together was going to be a lot of fun. We never ran out of things to talk about.
So today while I took these postcards down, in many ways happy to be embarking on my new adventures in the next month or so, I was overcome with memories of those golden days. It was like the scenes in Brideshead Revisited when Charles stayed at Brideshead for the first time during the long vac. It wasn’t entirely sad, but it wasn’t entirely happy either. On top of that there were the memories that each card evoked, not just in my 20 years with John, but also the ones collected earlier in my youth and all the hopes and aspirations associated with those.
As the white space on the wall started to overtake the mosaic that had been there for almost four years, I began to transition from the past to how I was going to keep these moments with me as I move into my future. Both practically (maybe a rotating display in my new place?) and emotionally (perhaps time to jettison another layer of grief and focus on what’s left of my life?). But that makes my current emotional state sound more fraught than it is. Yes, I still experience loss and grief on a regular basis, but the overall trajectory of my days bends towards hope and excitement.
Glad to have this stack of memories.
hogglestock 
Damn, you have been thru so much these few years. Thank you for including us throughout. People we never meet r so much apart if our world, thoughts and heart.
Looking forward to hearing of your life as it unfolds.
Be well Amigo…now get back to packing!
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Hopefully you will enjoy the latest installment on the installment of my new temporary library.
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Lovely post. Who is on the postcard in the last pic? I just came back from a visit to Minneaoplis (well, St. Paul). I love it there. If I had to live in the states for some reason that’s where I’d go. Culturally pretty similar to Canada I find!
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I’m back from France, so I can finally reply to your question. Harley Granville-Barker 1877-1946 by John Singer Sargent, 1900. At the NPG in London.
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I have often thought of that beautiful wall of yours. Happy to hear about your hope and excitement. Also, you’ve made me want to read Brideshead Revisited (and probably not for the firsts time).
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Brideshead Revisited, along with Mapp and Lucia are the two books where I often recommend the adaptation before reading the book. The 1980s Brideshead might be the best television ever made and the original 1980s Mapp and Lucia is a pure delight that makes the books come alive when you go to read them later.
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Just added both to my “to watch” list.
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I’m glad there’s hope and excitement in the mix. I’ve heard good things about Minneapolis (that reminds me of when a lovely friend originally from the US was moving back and disclosed she was considering the rather unknown Madison, WI. I have been to exactly five places in the US, Madison being one of them!) and I wish you the best of luck for the move.
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Bitter sweet memories.
Please would you explain how you attached the cards to the wall without the cards curling and without doing damage to them so they can go with you into your future . Thank you .
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I just used loops of tape. They are a little worse for wear, but still intact.
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All the best for the move but the memories if John and Lucy will be a special part of your life forever. I look forward to hearing of new adventures and maybe a new companion dog. 🌻🌻🌻🐾🐾🐾
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I love that wall. I see Rupert Brooke and Siegfried Sassoon. All the best as you settle in to your new place. xxoo Sarah
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