hogglestock

I discovered in 2022 that travel didn’t interest me much. I was in Europe three times, went to different US cities, etc., but being with friends was the only thing that made it worthwhile. I didn’t care that I was in Sicily, the Netherlands, Germany, etc. I could have been anywhere. When I stayed with friends in the French countryside, I only left their property one day the whole week I was there.

I decided in 2023 I wasn’t going to plan much in the way of travel. I saw friends in Puerto Rico, Ohio, and Pennsylvania, but then on a planned trip to hear classical music and see friends in Minnesota, I didn’t want to get on the plane.

I had gotten up at 4:45 AM, got to the airport, hung out until about 15 minutes before my flight boarded and decided I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to fly. I didn’t want to pick-up my rental car, I didn’t want to make small talk, I didn’t even want to go to the concerts. So I went up to the counter, explained to the surprised agent that I wasn’t going to fly, left the airport, and went home. I didn’t even want to get back into an Uber, I took Metro and walked about 25 minutes to get home. Clearly this isn’t normal.

I did go to Maui in June with John’s family. It was nice being with them but it definitely had moments that were hard for me to handle. I lived in Hawaii in the 1990s and that time for me was one of feeling alone and unsure of my future. Here I was, almost 30 years later feeling the same way. One night as John’s older brother was grilling dinner, I felt the lovely Hawaiian trade winds and looked at the amazing sunset and I was transported back to my lonely 20s but with a big pile of grief on top of it. It was more than I could handle.

John’s family and me. Minus John.